oriental tea house

Once upon a time birthdays used to be epic in our house. Teach and I would try our hardest to outdo each other for every birthday and Christmas and any other event that could be used to purchase gifts. Christmas is a perfect example: every year the competition was threefold: 1. who spent the most, 2. whose presents were largest in quantity, and 3. whose pile was the highest if you stacked them on top of each other. (Whoever wasn’t working on Christmas Eve usually won the last two.) We loved going nuts on gifts and smooches and dinner at places fancy or crap, whatever the birthday person wanted. Then we had a baby, and all these bills and so on and no sleep, and so birthdays have been more low-key, but also great because now there is a second person to give you a toothy birthday smile in the morning. Anyway, to eventually get to a point, Teach’s birthday was yesterday, and I got him a guitar pedal and a book (not very original of me) and some supercool EC comic cushions, and then we went out to dinner with his dad’s side of the family to Oriental Tea House in Chadstone.

 

Teach and I used to go here a fair bit; we’ve also been to the Little Collins, Prahran and Melbourne Central versions, but Chadstone is the closest. And I hadn’t really noticed this before, but it’s actually super kid-friendly – there are a bunch of high chairs, and the atmosphere is much more loud and vibrant than I’d recalled it being when Teach and I were alone together, staring into each others’ eyes. (This is lies. We have always been abrupt diners–in, order, finish, out, no dawdling.) I had been worried about taking  the Rocket since she’s discovered the ability to throw things on the floor and make dinosaur sounds while waiting impatiently for food, but I think the location was a success, actually.

 

As for the eats, well, there are no pictures, but as I doubt anyone comes here for my outstanding culinary photography, it’s probably no problem. We usually order the same things: two spring onion pancakes, buckwheat chili dumplings, vegetarian dumplings, and salt and spicy soy bean tofu. This time we also ordered two serves of the vegetarian san choy bao, because I thought the Rocket would like to try some. (She did not.) It was flat out, due, I guess, to the fact that there was some VIP night on inside the neighbouring behemoth of a shopping centre (this restaurant is on one of those arms that sticks out towards a car park, so, part of the centre but not inside) and it meant both the service and the food, while perfectly adequate, were hit and miss. I’ve often found the food to be great one day and average the next, but on the upside, it’s never been terrible. Teach didn’t eat his san choy bao but hoovered down everything else. I ate so fast I wasn’t sure if I was hungry or full at the other end. The dumplings come in little bowls of three, so you can order a fourth to even up the numbers or just let the birthday guy eat two instead. (I am Very Kind.)

 

The tofu was excellent as always, six little deep-fried cubes accompanied by spring onion and chili. I used to go to bat for these every time we were figuring out where to go for dinner. I think the tastiness of them blinded me to other things, like the fact that the skin on the buckwheat dumplings is usually too goopy, and none of the dumplings ever come close to most other places (like my current superfavourite China Red.) One other specialty of this place is the tea – every single one I’ve tasted has been beautiful, and they sell them instore, along with quite lovely tea sets. I’m trying to cut down on sugary drinks at the moment as I can’t fit into any of my pants, but I recommended the raspberry & lime iced tea to my stepsister-in-law and stared at her drink in jealousy when she ordered it, and did it again when she ordered a second.

 

Her grandfather’s birthday was the day before. We gave him, among other things, this Chinese Zodiac figurine, which the Rocket promptly broke.

 

So, in conclusion (these are turning into essays a bit, aren’t they? I am excited and wordy today) Oriental Tea House remains a decent place for a meal, friendly to those with kids, fairly well-priced (though sparing on the dumpling quantity), and a good atmosphere, probably because the decor is quite fun.

 

 

Oriental Tea House

 

Shop F015

Chadstone Shopping Centre

Chadstone

9949 2071

website

little creatures

Assuming I won’t be posting tomorrow because I’ll be too busy luxuriating in a bath with a hot chocolate as per my demands, Happy Mother’s Day to those of you who are mothers, to a human or a non-human animal or a plant or whatever makes you feel parental. I’m working tomorrow, so we have held my Mother’s Day today, which would be far more exciting had I not been struck down with a terrible cold that knocked me out at work yesterday and continued today. I feel a bit better now, but am missing out on my own family’s MD event lest I spread the cold further. I mean, I am a Giving Person, but they are probably not interested in the gifts of Boogers and Sweaty Fever.

My mothers’ group, as I’ve probably mentioned before, is made up of the most excellent women I could have lucked out on being thrown together with. I assumed they’d all be judgemental monsters, but they are NEITHER, just lovely normal people with lovely normal babies who are all adorable and I’m totally not biased. I couldn’t be happier to have landed on Planet Oh Jesus Christ What Is My Baby Doing with these people. On our first nurse-scheduled meeting at the community centre, I sat with the Rocket dressed in an adorable outfit that I had purchased for her especially to impress these strangers, and about thirty seconds before the nurse started talking the Rocket did a spectacularly enormous crap in her pants and I ran in a panic to change her. It had, thrillingly, gone all the way through her Very Special New Outfit, and then I had to change her into Very Boring Onesie that I had brought as a backup, and went back with my tail between my legs thinking how unstylish we now were. The nurse said as I returned, “You could have just changed her on the floor, you know!” but she did not understand my total fear of having these people think I changed my baby in some kind of incorrect way. ANYWAY, since then, I have lost all fear of anything with these ladies, and have learned from them and maybe taught them a thing or two (i.e. that they should all watch Yo Gabba Gabba) and I’ll stop talking or I’ll get sappy.

But what do you DO in a mothers’ group when your kids are old and wiggly? You cannot take them to cafes when there are nine adults and ten babies. We’ve gone to PlayDays centre in Doncaster but it is hot and full of three-year-olds who want to kill your children. But while wandering aimlessly around one day, I discovered another, smaller-scale play centre in Balwyn called Little Creatures, that has a temperate climate, no lingering smell of kids who have farted in the ball pit, and an excellent array of things to do. So we went as a group and: success!

One canny mother blowing bubbles to calm down the Rocket and her friend L after they had a screaming match over a plastic saw they both wanted. Which is pretty badass.

Little Creatures has a few different sections for kids to play in: there’s a wooden train set, a pink doll-filled room, a pretend supermarket, a little slide, a postal truck, a Duplo room, one full of bulding stuff (hammers, plastic saws etc), one with books and soft toys, and a dress-up room. There’s also a couple of tables and tiny chairs for drawing, and they hold parties if you want. So your kids can toddle around playing with whatever takes their fancy. And all that selection is the BEST. You can also get coffee, and little snacks, and it’s all very excellent. My tip is to go at lunchtime, when normal people are eating: it’s been empty the past two times we’ve gone and we’ve been able to have the place to ourselves.

It was a super serious feminist discussion about shoes and pans and teapots

It’s eight dollars per kid – two bucks more than Playdays but worth every penny. It’s not huge, but with enough space to crawl around (or walk if you are disposed to WHICH OH MY GOD THE ROCKET IS AS OF THIS WEEK) and a couple of comfy seats and a little cafe section at the front for when your kids are old enough to take care of themselves, it’s all very wonderful for those rainy days where you can’t go to the park and you’re too self-conscious about the state of your house to have anyone over (because let’s face it, while I am less anxious about my parenting abilities no one needs to know how infrequently I mop the kitchen floor. Because it’s BORING, you guys.)

Little Creatures

323 Whitehorse Rd

Balwyn

9077 2364

website

Not sure about the entry, but it’s flat inside and open plan, with areas divided by glass windows. There are a couple of toilets out the back – but I can’t remember if there were disabled ones. Sorry this is such a long post, both the Rocket and her dad are napping so I’m basically chatting to you instead of them.

how to feed a baby

Haha no seriously, this is not some kind of definitive post on how to feed your kid. But sometimes it is just ridiculously hard to come up with ideas on what to get into that little squidgy belly of theirs that a) they will like and b) isn’t somewhat terrible for them. (I mean, the Rocket would eat chips all day, as would I, but it’s probably not recommended in anything but the Fiona Food Pyramid.)

Food can also be something that can really tie into your self-esteem as a parent. Sometimes you’ll turn up to a group outing with a packet of insta-food (Rafferty’s Garden do great ones) while every other adult has prepared something fresh for their kid, and you’ll feel like a lazy parent. If, like Rocket, your kid is a bit undersized, you’ll worry you’re not feeding them enough, or the right things, and then you’ll share your worries with some other parent of a normal-sized kid who will suddenly panic because their kid only eats half as much as yours is, so are they doing it wrong? Some parents pre-make heaps of healthy meals and then freeze them, but I have never been that kind of person and while I desperately wanted to be that kind of excellent, coordinated mother, I just cannot. (I did actually make a bunch of vegetables once and froze them, about seven months ago, and they are still in the freezer in the container I bought specially for the purpose. I don’t even want to unfreeze them because it will probably be gross. I’m thinking I might just buy a whole new fridge so I don’t have to think about it.) Once I spent two hours making these tofu vegetable pancakes that Rocket hoovered down at a potluck, only to have her push them off her high chair onto the floor in disgust. Sometimes she will eat everything I offer her, other times she refuses everything that isn’t bread. So I will say: don’t beat yourself up about food. Do what you can, offer variety, but look at the big picture, over a week or so, not that day where all your kid ate was sultanas from underneath the couch and eight hot chips from when you had lunch at the shops. And what you offer your kid compared to what your friends offer theirs does not in any way indicate who is a better parent or who loves their kid more.

That boring telling-off over, here’s what I tend to do. Sometimes she can eat what we’re having, but sometimes our food is a little spicy or awkward or too chewy etc etc so I mostly give her her own thing to munch on. Here’s just a few of the things I feed the kiddo, that she’s loved repeatedly, and if you have any excellent ideas I would love to hear them too. I especially like things she can feed herself, because that means I can eat my own food in peace without having her scream at me for being too slow on the spoon front. I AM NOT YOUR SLAVE, BABY. (I am totally her slave.)

1. Vegemite Sandwich. Never underestimate the Vegemite sandwich. Warning: you will get jealous, so make sure you have enough to make your own. Warning 2: it will go everywhere.

2. Baked beans. I chop up some spinach to go with them. Warning: you will get jealous, so make sure you have enough so that you can eat some, for temperature testing purposes of course.

3. Squishy packet of supermarket baby food + pasta. These packets are lifesavers, and I usually have one in my bag for a good snack and about ten in the house to add to things. They’re often pureed but you can get other types, meaty/fishy ones too, but I get the vegetable ones and they have no additives. (You know they’re telling the truth because they look totally unappealing.) Add them to couscous, quinoa, pasta, or when your kid is hungry, give them one to suck on. It’s fun because they can do it themselves, it’s not fun because they can get excited and fling them around, getting pureed swede on your newly cleaned floor dammit.

4. Felafel (I get the Macro ones that are interesting flavours, like split pea and spinach, or smoky eggplant, etc etc) mashed up into a bowl with other smooshy things, like avocados, cheese if you’re into dairy, hommous maybe, stuff like that.

5. One thing I make which takes no time and makes enough for maybe three meals is this. 1 can lentils (I mean, sure, soak, drain, and boil your own, but I am never that prepared.) 1 handful frozen peas, thawed. 1 little can corn. Put one third of each amount in a bowl and fridge the rest. Add 1/2 avocado. Mush together. The Rocket goes nuts for this. I’ve also used other bean things when I opened my can of lentils and discovered it had expired, even though I had bought it that day. (Putting the gross into grocery store, guys.) So, three bean mix, or maybe kidney beans, whatevs.

6. I am suddenly forgetting everything else I make.

7. My actual reason for this post was because I’d had a good success the other day with these tofu strips. We had a picnic on the State Library Lawn with my friend Steph and she’d contributed some marinated and fried tofu for the adults, but the Rocket got her hands on them and totally went for it. I demanded a step-by-step instruction text, because I am terrible at winging it with food, and made them. Fresh, they are crispy and SUPER GOOD. I ate them alongside her and am scheming ways to put them in grown-up dinners and sandwiches.

i. Get some of the firmest tofu you can, so it holds its shape. I went for the Macro brand again. Use about half a block, it makes enough for you *and* them.

ii. Not sure if this is necessary, but I pressed it to get the water out: you fold some paper towel, put the tofu on it, add more paper towel, then put a weight on top. (I used 1001 Books to Read Before You Die.) Leave as long as you can. I probably waited quarter of an hour.

iii. Slice into rectangles maybe half a centimetre thick. Or whatever. I’m not the boss of you.

iv. Make a marinade of 1tbsp soy sauce and 1tbsp Chinese 5spice powder. Coat tofu strips. Leave to marinate at least ten minutes probably.

v. Fry in a bit of oil, flipping over halfway, until golden brown.

vi. Eat them, MAKE MORE, share with the kid I guess. I left some in the marinade overnight and the next day they were good too. I served them to the Rocket with a bunch of peas and pasta (i.e. all lazy finger foods) and she ate every single bit apart from five peas that escaped the table. SUCCESS.

 

 

Thus ends a lecture on food for one-year-olds. You better have paid attention, because there will be a test.*

*This is lies.

guzman y gomez

Look, if you don’t like Mexican food then we just can’t be friends. And I probably don’t mean authentic Mexican food, because how would I know? So many places now claim to be authentic but the closest I’ve come to Mexico was when I flew into LA to spend five hours in an airport. So should I call it Tex-Mex? Should I just get back to the topic on hand?

 

 

Guzman y Gomez (the y means and–aren’t you glad I’m here to help you with these difficult life moments?) but who cares, what you need to know is that Guzman y Gomez is basically the bestest, freshest, excellente-est Mexican food in Melbourne, probably. And I’ve sampled a decent amount, because if I know anything, it’s where I can get corn chips at short notice.

 

tacos never photograph well. what is with that?

 

This place ticks a lot of my boxes. 1) close to public transport. 2) has high chairs. TWO high chairs. 3) hard shell tacos (soft shell is really just a burrito, amirite?) 4) filling is awesome. 5) Jarritos. 6) CONDIMENT BAR. 7) swift service because I am basically without patience. 8) the choose your start/filling/sauce means it’s basically as  choose your own adventure, except the adventure is that you get to eat a taco/burrito that is great instead of getting eaten by a lion like in the books. 9) the Rocket approves of the beans. 10) also she ate part of a menu because babies live in opposites land pretty much all the time. 11) the filling is the freshest, loveliest thing ever. There are beans and capsicum and so many good things. I don’t even know or care. It is mind-blowing. The first time Teach and I went there, we were having a bit of a disagreement and the food was so good it literally fixed our fight, because we couldn’t be mad when tacos could be this good.

 

 

The cons: 1) the corn chips are a little dry, but not if you eat them with salsa or the frankly amazing guac or the filling that fell out of your taco. And if you’re not doing that, then you’re weird. 2) the menus are not edible. 3) they don’t have Trippy Fries, unlike Trippy Taco which has Trippy Fries. 4) they aren’t next to my house.

 

The entry is wide and flat. Prams can fit somewhere. Numerous high chairs. There’s a bathroom but I haven’t used it. Ordering at a typical fast-food counter.

 

Guzman y Gomez

 

289-299 Swanston St (kind of opposite the State Library)

Melbourne

9988 1402

website

senoritas

Mexican food is having quite the resurgence in Melbourne lately, and I am ALL FOR IT. Chips. Salsa. Guacamole. Other things. We make a tremendously lazy and tasty chili non carne at least once a week and both secretly want it the other six days. So far we’ve tried impossible-to-get-a-table-at Mamasita, and gone to fast-food versions Mad Mex and Salsa’s super frequently.  Shortly, I hope to try Guman  y Gomez which has just opened on Swanston St in the city. And recently, after a tip-off from my friend Liz, we tried the atmospheric Senoritas.

 

Down one of Melbourne’s laneways that hide great food (as opposed to the ones that hide a couple of dumpsters and the half-assed graffiti of eleven-year-olds), and up an end of town we don’t go to much any more, you’ll find Senoritas tucked away and looking very excellent the moment you walk in. With glittering Day of the Dead artwork, masks, life-size statues and moody lighting, it’s the kind of place you should take a date. So, uh, don’t do what we did and take a baby. We did wait until after two o’clock to avoid the crowds, and for a while we were the only people in the place – also, the staff were very kind about the baby and made admiring noises about her big gummy smile. But unlike the fast food joints or even the brightly-lit Mamasita, this is more like a bar with food.

 

 

The food, though, is worth a visit. A warning, though: Liz pointed me in the direction of Senoritas due to the extensive vegan labelling on the menu, but after a chat with the waiter, it turns out that by vegan they just mean vegetarian. So instead of virtually everything in the appetizers and desserts being something I could have, it was a much more limited offering. To his credit, the waiter figured out what was cooked with dairy and what wasn’t, rustled up some good ideas and then even threw in a few extra tortillas for the confusion. Thanks, nice waiter. They’d already won me over when we got a little bowl of free tortilla chips as soon as we sat down, which you could then have with this cool selection of three salsas in bottles that decorate every table. And LO, they were ALL GOOD.

 

 

So, we had the tostadas de cactus (cactus, capsicum, onion, black beans and herbs) without the queso fresco. It made me wish I’d kept some of the tortilla chips or ordered more, because the topping far outweighed the chip underneath. It was tangy and strange – I don’t think I’ve had cactus before – but delish all the same. Next, I was served up the vegetables al ajillo (seasonal vegetables with garlic, chili and lime juice) along with cumin flavoured rice and the above tortillas. I rolled me up some tasty food and then slowly chomped down more of the vegetables. I was full before the end, however, and sharing some of the strips of vegetables with the Rocket which, let’s face it, wasn’t my best idea. Babies don’t appreciate chili, who knew? Wimps.

 

For a drink I had the lovely, sweet and fresh non-alcoholic jamaica (hibiscus and agave are in it, I think?) and was entirely happy. The waiter says the menu will be updated soonish, allowing for more vegan options and clearer labelling. It’s sad, really, that it’s not really baby-appropriate; there’s space, and no steps (that I can recall), and Teach says the toilet is gorgeous and big. Oh well, you can’t take your baby everywhere, just like you don’t take your mother to Quentin Tarantino movies.

 

Senoritas

16 Meyers Place

Melbourne

9639 7437

website

china red

At a recent entertaining Chinese New Year party that we left far too early, a conversation started amongst the bloggers there about how they post blogs. Chronologically seemed to be the way to go, so, even if a fun thing happened today, you post about the thing you had next on your list, which may have happened ages ago. Seems fair, so let’s travel back in time about six weeks and do that, which also helps get rid of some of the terrible pictures on my phone that I need to delete to make more space for eleventy billion self-portraits of the Rocket figuring out where the camera button is.

 

 

Pre-Rocket we discovered a most wonderful futuristic eatery in Melbourne’s Chinatown called China Red, or Touch-Screen-Place if you are me or Teach and get it confused with China Bar all the time. Because yes, instead of table service, you are seated next to a touch screen, order your choices right there, and then someone delivers them to you at high speed. It means you don’t have to awkwardly mispronounce things like I always do, and you can hem and haw all you like over luscious oily pictures of food while everyone else at your table says JUST GET THE DUMPLINGS LIKE ALWAYS JEEZ. It also means you don’t really have to tip much, right? Right.

 

 

We’ve ordered a few things there, but we now have a standard order of twelve vegetarian dumplings, garlic beans, a coke and an iced tea. Odds are in your favour that the dumplings will be fat and delicious (eat them with the supplied chili oil and flakes dumped in soy sauce), and the beans soaked in garlic, al dente and mouth-destroyingly hot. It’s not as cheap as you’d wish, but it’s totally divine. Not only that, but the last time we went, they even sourced a high chair for the Rocket to sit in and didn’t even blink when she dropped beans on the ground. (I cleaned them up before we left, I promise. I’m not That Guy.) While the atmosphere is slightly higher than cafe, the casualness of the touch screens make it lower than a posh restaurant, so: take your kids, but leave if they cry. Luckily, you can be in, fed, and out in no time, meaning there’s a lower chance your kid will opt for said tantrum. And if your kid is older, they can ruin your day by ordering seventeen spring onion pancakes which you’ll then have to pay for, because there are no refunds once you’ve hit the order button. But you’ll probably eat them anyway, because they’re yum.

 

China Red

Shop 6, 206 Bourke St

Melbourne

9662 3688

website

 

There’s a flat entrance, and all ordering and payment is done at the table. There is a downstairs section, which is unfortunately where the toilets are located, but as it’s in a strip of shops there are public toilets handily located just across from the shop. A pram might be squashy, but not impossible.

aqualink nunawading

I don’t know about you, but I find it ridiculously hard to go to the pool. It’s cold, it’s wet, and getting dry and changed is a pain. If I’m going to get fit (insert laugh track here), it’s something low-maintenance, like running. Well, walking. Well, strolling.

But then I had a kid and I wanted to take her to the pool, and not be a whiny pool-goer like her mother. So when she was about six months old, and I wasn’t so afraid of dropping her all the time, I took her to the pool. Now, we go about once a week, and it is EXCELLENT fun. Nunawading Aqualink, i.e. the nearest pool to us that isn’t currently under construction, turned out to be huge, with a bunch of space for kids to splash around in. There’s a baby pool, which starts super shallow so the Rocket can crawl around in it (she has figured out how to crawl at speed, and takes every opportunity to motor her way to the cat food, which she is so far unsuccessful at getting her hands in); the deepest part of that is about thirty centimetres, and there are some light fountain sprays and some little bubblers that go off every few minutes. It’s a good place to start, as the Rocket can sit up by herself and get used to the water for a bit before we go hang out in the deep part, going underwater like that baby on the cover of Nevermind and swishing about. One thing I love about the pool is that we always find a baby about the same age and end up floating towards them, or they float towards us, and then you make a new friend and they shriek at each other and one will splash the other who will cry. When I went the other day, and we’d made friends with a very cute chubby baby, I did my head-first underwater time with the Rocket, and the other mother saw and did the same trick with her baby (the idea is to not just get dunked and water up your nose, but to be smooth) – and it’s something I learned from my friend Sarah. Basically, it’s a good place to feel a sense of community, which is why I’m being ridiculous and reviewing a pool, as if you don’t all know what one is.

Now, will I continue to go in winter? LET US HOPE SO.

Aqualink Nunawading

Fraser Place

Forest Hill

9878 4576

website