Posts Tagged ‘richmond’

Next time I give sage advice, remind me to reread it. On Saturday we caught up for lunch and a movie with my friend Dani, who has endless tolerance for screaming babies (well, my screaming baby), and we decided to eat at High Tech Burrito* then go to the crying room at Hoyts Victoria Gardens to see Looper so I could show off how good the Rocket is at seeing movies, and how totally easy it is to be a parent. At 3:45pm. Which is the daytime. Which is not the Rocket’s naptime. (Her routine being, let’s face it, completely nonexistent.)

So I ordered a popcorn and a frozen Coke and put the Rocket between me and Teach with her favourite toys and concentrated on the intricacies of a time-travel film. Haha, I am joking. Instead the Rocket SCREAMED and then YELLED and did. not. let. up. Like it is not hard enough to follow these kind of films anyway, you try doing it with someone hollering in your ear and pulling your hair. Without subtitles. And I tried to calm her down and put her to sleep and play with her and eventually, because I am not very bright, I realised that she was not happy being told to be good in a dark room where she couldn’t see her rabbit and eat his foot. So I left. For the first time in my life, I walked out of a movie. THAT I WAS ENJOYING. Dani and Teach stayed behind (because movies, after all, are not cheap, and it was a good one) and as soon as I took the Rocket outside, she calmed right down and was a bundle of innocent merriment. Sigh.

So while Looper played upstairs, I took the Rocket to IKEA–because everywhere else was closed, but IKEA stays open until 7pm even on weekends–and we looked at toys and sat in chairs and dammit if she didn’t have the best time that ever happened, especially when I plonked her on a rocking horse and she looked around and beamed. And half of me was all, awwww, I made my daughter happy, and half of me was all but I wanted to see a movie, and eat popcorn, and pretend I can still do normal things.

But you can’t. Instead of seeing a movie, you go to IKEA and buy a squeaky carrot toy because your kid chews on it and it was only four dollars. And when you change her, just before you meet your friends again, she will pee on her socks. And by the time you are reunited with your frozen Coke, it will have melted. And you will sulk, because perspective vanishes when you are cranky, no? YES.

Anyway, Dani and Teach report that Looper was very good. And I learned that kids adore IKEA. And that you shouldn’t take your kid to the crying room in the daytime. And that if you whine about it enough, you will get hugs from your coworkers the next day, and one of them will buy you a comfort coffee, and your beloved will come meet you with a bunch of roses, because while missing out on a movie is nothing in the scheme of things, it’s a smack of reality and my friends are understanding and beautiful and I love them all.


* post not to come–this time, anyway–because I forgot to take pictures, forgot what I ordered, and got salsa on the baby.

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So before our favourite thing to do was feed the Rocket lemons to watch her expression*, we would spend virtually all of our time at the movies. Sometimes we’d go to see something new, and realise we’d seen everything that was out. Basically, unless it was a musical or a romantic comedy starring Katherine Heigl**, we saw it. Then we had a baby and it turns out she is totally unwilling to sit during a movie and whisper “Hey it’s that person from that other movie we saw yesterday!” “Oh yeah, and the tv show with the laugh track.” “I know right!”, so we stopped seeing movies for a while. VERY SAD.

After a while, we discovered a couple of ways to return to our beloved pastime.

One: get the Rocket babysat. But really, then we have to PLAN and I have to do things like express milk, which is the thing I do that most makes me feel like I’m a cow, and an unsexy cow to boot, so we don’t really do that a lot.

Two: Mums and Bubs sessions. Which I do go to, but I hate the word “Bubs”; I think I might be allergic to it because it brings me out in a sulk.

Three: The drive-in. We’ve done this once, and it was half successful. We’ll try doing it again these holidays, and I’ll let you know if we get the knack.

Four (and the best): go to Hoyts Victoria Gardens. Because in two of their very nice cinemas, they have these things called crying rooms. They are glassed-off, soundproof rooms, seven seats in each, and you can take your kid in there and they can scream and yell and no one can hear you, but you can see new releases and pretend you’re a normal person again. Every time we’ve gone we’ve been the only people in there (so while I recommend this heartily, please don’t, you know, go when I want to) and it’s been wonderful. The sound’s a bit poor as it’s piped in through a single speaker, but who really cares? The lights are turned off altogether (otherwise the reflection on the glass would make it tricky to see the movie), and to buy tickets you have to go there in person and request your tickets, but it’s a blast. We’ve gone a couple of times now, and last week we saw Ruby Sparks (which I’ve reviewed properly here), and it’s just the best. I can’t throw enough love at Hoyts for doing this, and within a twenty minute drive from my house too.

So I recommend: go early to get your tickets, though at least no one will ever want to fight you for your seat; take toys, especially ones that light up; remember that it’s still kinda gross so have a plan if your dummies/toys/what have you get cast dramatically upon the floor at the exciting parts; if you go to a late night session, the baby will probably get bored and fall asleep. The most annoying part is figuring out what’s showing there; you’ll have to go on their website and check the seating for each film separately. You’ll see the little bunch of seats in the corner that are never open for sale–hurrah! it’s a crying room sesssion! But seriously DO IT. So fun.


Hoyts Victoria Gardens

Cnr Burnley and Victoria Streets


9425 4444 (though fair warning, they have never answered when I called, though they did call back the one time I left a message.)

There’s a lift up to the cinema, but I haven’t used it; there’s a nice parents room just underneath in the food court, and if you’re there during opening hours, IKEA probably has an amazing one.

Be warned: there is an IKEA in Victoria Gardens so remember if you want to park there on the weekend, you will probably rage-park on top of a smaller, weaker car after half an hour. There’s a tram stop right outside, however.

*Haha I haven’t done this.***

**I’m sure she is very nice, but no thank you.


****No, I didn’t let her eat the popcorn. I made her pose with it, then once she’d smiled and put it to her mouth I stole it back from her and ate it, then the rest of the bucket. NO REGRETS.

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